Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand how hurricane paths work

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

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A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

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I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Why do I randomly start sweating a lot in public (while waiting in line, in a new class, etc.) then start sweating more because I’m embarrassed that I’m sweating so much? Is this social anxiety?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

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I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Why do siblings (or other close relatives) stop visiting each other as they grow older? Why does this happen with so many people nowadays?

I have a reading level above third grade

I can count

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Are there many people here who suffer from schizophrenia?

I can read

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

How do you leave a relationship when you are still in love?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t buy bullshit

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I see through liars

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard